Last year I listed five reasons why the San Diego Comic-Con sucks. After going to the convention last year I found even more reasons why I hate it but had to save them for this year's article.If you've never been to the San Diego Comic-Con it's a place where the dork elite gather together once a year to argue about Batman vs. Superman, why Buffy should have continued until the year 2143 and if they look cool dressed up as Storm Shadow (you don't).Everyone from that bearded old fat guy who looks like a steam punk idiot to a 14 year old girl who put way too much time into her Sailor Moon outfit and isn't aware she's being gawked at by bald 47 year men, Comic-Con attracts the most diverse group of people in one area for three days. However, that diversity is limited to people who think waiting in line for a Luke Skywalker collectible is the coolest thing ever.Dorks, nerds, dweebs, fatties, t! he socially awkward, LARPers, steam punkers, video gamers, rpg'ers, comic book lovers, movie lovers, anime freaks and even furries run around San Diego once a year like it's their own private perverse playground. And I hate it.So let's get this party started shall we? Here are Five More Reasons Why Comic-Con Sucks. 5.The food.
Mmm...tasty! The food at any convention isn't going to be the greatest food you've ever tasted. This especially holds true at Comic-Con, a place where the menu hasn't changed in the last ten years. Grab a dry sandwich, a "salad" which consists of some lettuce and three olives if you're lucky, and wash it all down with your favorite soda. Or wait in line for that tasty piece of rubbery pizza or not quite cooked hamburger and go to town as you sit on the concrete floor trying to eat it all without throwing up. In between meals you can go to Starbucks to help pump calories into your already grotesque looking frame. And bring a credit card cause this stuff isn't cheap. My advice? Buy some food from the grocery store and leave it in your hotel room or pack it with you. You'll save money and you won't gross me out as I walk by and see your girlfriend dressed as Fatwoman slamming her face into a plate of french fries like she just got shot in the back of the head. 4. Too many parties.
I'm the handsome one in the picture. This one of the major reasons why I hate going to Comic-Con. Not only am I going to all of the hottest Comic-Con parties, but I usually have to choose between two or three a night. Plus with all of the ladies blowing up my cell phone every hour asking, "Where you at, papi?" I gotta slow my roll and just hang out wherever the evening takes me. This year I'm already booked solid for parties so it's going to be one hangover after another as I slam whiskey shots off of some hot model's midsection. Between my co-workers, my friends, my peers and the flock of Betties I have all up in my business wanting me to get drunk with them, it can get really tiring come Sunday. You know, now that I think about it, this doesn't really suck for me. It just sucks for you. 3. "Celebrity" autographs.
This is where actors go to die. If you've ever wanted to meet that one girl from Halloween III or the guy who played the bartender in Star Wars, then going to San Diego Comic-Con's Autograph Area presents you with the greatest collection of 'D' list talent you can find in one sad spot. Everyone from Captain Apollo in the picture above to wrestlers who look like the only thing they've been fighting lately is diabetes, Comic-Con is a treasure trove of once talented and relevant people. 
That's the smell of weed and sadness, my young friend. Not only will you see "actors" like The Beastmaster, who will swear up and down they have at least 20 projects in the works, or the guy who wrote an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, you might also be treated to some other big name celebs. People like Erin Grey or that one guy who played the Red Ranger in season 7 of Power Rangers or even groups of costume designers from major motion picture and television shows. But be prepared to bring some money cause these guys aren't here just to high five you because you liked their appearance in Phantasm IV. Oh, no, these autographs will cost you at least $25. Sometimes you'll even get a picture with your favorite celebrity that you can proudly display on your living room wall. After all, nothing starts a riveting conversation like a friend looking at a picture of you standing next to Elvira and saying, "Huh. I thought she was dead." 2. The smell. 
I almost passed out when I took this picture. The buzzing of the flies kept me awake. If you have a wonderful sense of smell and are going to Comic-Con for the first time, then boy are your senses in for a treat. For some odd reason, when dorks know they're going to a comic book convention for three days straight, they don't bother to shower. Now I have no idea if these disgusting human beings shower in their day to day lives (I doubt if they do) but you would think that being surrounded by so many people would make one want to wash themselves off as soon as they leave for the day.
Nope. Not these guys. Most of the people who attend Comic-Con are content in wallowing in their own disgusting stink for three days straight. It smells nicer in a football locker room after the Super Bowl than it does at the convention center on Saturday. I've heard from the old timers that body pits from Vietnam smelled better than Hall H. Here's a tip: If they look gross, chances are they are gross. Try to avoid them and bring as much air freshener as you can. Spray it in their face if they get to close to you. You will also have to chew gum constantly as their stench manages to find its way into your gums. If you can survive all three days at Comic-Con without puking into a garbage can then you have no sense of smell or you're a robot.
Do the rest of humanity a favor and take a shower, you disgusting pigs.
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1. Free hugs people.
I wish I had a flamethrower. I don't know how this trend got started but I would love to punch the idiot who thought it up. These soulless beasts wander the convention floor with signs advertising free hugs. Most of them are women, with the occasional gay dude dressed as Aragorn to fool you into thinking it's a bro hug before grabbing your ass. While most of you might think, "Hey, there's nothing wrong with free hugs from girls!" you're forgetting one thing. Most of them are ugly and fat and you should be ashamed that you're even thinking about hugging them. They're just retarded teenagers who think the world is still filled with lollipops and rainbows. They have no idea how stupid they look and how a pie should be smashed into their face every five minutes. If you're going to indulge these morons then tell them you want to hug them from behind while they're pressed against a railing or a door. Nothing wrong with a good old fashioned prison hug! Know what I'm gonna do to combat your disgusting happy ! disease, ladies? I'm gonna drop six Viagra before my day begins. See if you wanna hug me then.
And there's your look at 5 More Reasons Why Comic-Con Sucks. I'm sure there are many reasons why you think it sucks, but these are five good ones I could think of. Despite all of the problems the convention has, it's still a blast to attend. So please don't be discouraged by this list.
See you at the con!
Wash, rinse and repeat when you
Source: El Guapo's tiny brain 
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