10-29-10*6:23 a.m.Sometimes it feels like I'm never going to finish this damn Transformers movie. Everything is on schedule but Shia has been hard to track down on a daily basis. For some reason he always feels compelled to be late after the lunch break and it takes forever to wipe all the damn ice cream off his chin and clothes. And I really wish he'd stop telling black jokes during dinner. Tyrese laughs it off, but I can see it in his eyes that he wants to beat the shit out of him. 11:15 a.m.Initially I was going to just blow up the four cars along the road but this adjacent parking structure that's still being used while we shoot is packed with cars from neighboring workers. Fuck it. I'll let Paramount pay everyone back. I'm gonna blow the shit out of it.1:00 p.m.Bathroom break. God, I'm packing more sausage than Jimmy Dean. I should get an Oscar for Best Erection. 
2:12 p.m. BOOM. Can't wait for you guys to see that one. I feel bad that this dude's classic Corvette landed upside down after shooting 124 feet into the air. Naw, I'm playing. Fuck that dude.5:11 p.m.Boy, Shia wasn't kidding when he said that Rosie chick couldn't memorize her lines. I'm feeding them to her through an earpiece and she's still fucking them all up. I'd lock her in her trailer for a few hours to get her to memorize them but she usually just goes to sleep and I can't wake her back up. Models. Only good for one thing and it isn't acting. (it's modeling. lol at myself!)7:32 p.m.Call me crazy but I forgot Josh Duhamel was in this. I know he's been in the previous two but the guy is so default generic that I actually completely fucking forgot he was in the movie until I saw him today on set. He always laughs when I ask him what he's doing here. I'm gonna have to check with the script coordinator cause I really don't remember him being in this shit. I've heard storie! s that he likes to just show up on the set of movies and see if he can get in the film. Worked for the first two Transformers films but enough is enough. 
Pain. In. My. Ass. 7:34 p.m.Ok, he really is in it. Fuck. Now I gotta listen to more of his stories about how Katherine Heigl likes to be choked.8:20 p.m.Small emergency on set when one of the pyro guys accidentally set himself on fire. I shot the entire thing before his crew put him out. See if I can use that somewhere in the movie. No actor can do a scream that authentic!8:36 p.m.Phone rang and it was Megan. I answered but then pretended the call was breaking up and I only said every other word then made hissing noises and hung up. She texted me and I sent this back, "C n't tal Rec pt on is bad o t here." She responded, "Ok. Hit me up when you're in a better area." Wow.9:14 p.m.Can't find Shia. Last time I saw him he was practicing sliding off the hood of Bumblebee then doing barrel rolls before pretending to shoot a machine gun. I don't know what goes through that kid's mind all day but I bet it's a world filled with wonder and amazement. 
10:33 p.m.Some chick sent me a picture of a baby saying it's mine and she'll see me in court. Had the e-mail traced by my "guys". Problem should be solved rather quickly. 11:56 p.m.Problem with one of the 3D cameras. Called Cameron and chewed his fucking ass out. Nobody gives me faulty equipment, I don't give a shit who they are. James is flying in personally to fix it. Nobody in this town fucks with my shit. I remember doing a celebrity cooking show with Gordon Ramsey and he yelled at me about burning the scallops. I threw the pan at him, took him down, then made him eat the fuckers. Always wondered how he got those scars on his chin? Now you know. 
2:24 a.m.Wrapping up. Time to head back to the hotel room for a little R&R. And by R&R I mean getting a massage by 40 hot Asian chicks while I shotgun a case of beer. 2:53 a.m. God dammit. Walked into the room and found Shia jumping on the bed in his Autobot pajamas. How in the fuck does he keep getting into my room? So much for my night of relaxation. When he gets like this I have to let him sleep on the foot of the bed with his teddy bear or he doesn't stop screaming. Alright Michael, time to sleep and dream of blowing shit up. Fuck all the haterz. Peace. Fall down go boom when you 
*Disclaimer - not the actual diary of Michael Bay.Source: El Guapo's tiny brain
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